i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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