Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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