thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
