I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
