There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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