I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize