she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize
