Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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