In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
