How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
