I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
