he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
