Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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