are you still at the devil's house?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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