We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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