I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
