So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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