it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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