Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
