is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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