I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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