did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I said "one day" and that day is not today
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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