i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
