I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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