The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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