She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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