I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
