I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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