Define "chronic" masturbator.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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