"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
