In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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