he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
