i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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