he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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