my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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