What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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