I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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