All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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