dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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