Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
dude i'm inner monologue high
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
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