Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
