Non-Jews are for practice
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
