Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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