I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
