Already got asked if we're dating
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
