a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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