If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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