Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
