i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
