Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
