So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Randomize
