You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
