She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
