I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
