apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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