nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
