My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Sacagawea was the original milf.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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