You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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