all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
