what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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