Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
