I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
