why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Randomize
