he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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