We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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