Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
