I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
