your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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