Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
