Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
