Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
