So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
