He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
