i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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