That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
