at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
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I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
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red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
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