Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
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