question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
