He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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