About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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