In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
