can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
